Chapter 7 “Numb”

I wish this could be a happy song

But my happiness disappeared the moment you were gone

Don’t think I ever believed that this day would come

Now all I’m feeling is lost and numb

And I know I promised that I would try

But I miss you and it’s killing inside

…

I’ll always be thankful for the time we had

we were blessed, I should celebrate, but I feel too sad

All the wonderful memories just make me fall apart

And it feels like somebody stabbed me in my heart

And I know I promised that I wouldn’t cry

But I miss you and it’s killing inside

…

Tell me it’s not happening, say it’s not as it seems

Tell me that I’m gonna wake up, it’s just a bad dream

Please tell me it’s fiction, tell me it’s a lie

Whatever you choose to tell me, please say he didn’t die

…

From “Missing You” by Jem

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Lois Lane was standing on the cemetery, hand-in-hand with Jason, surrounded by friends, family and colleagues, feeling utterly alone.

The whole past week had passed in a blur. She was completely numb and unresponsive to anybody but Jason ever since she had laid eyes on the crumpled form of her fiancé. Her Richard. Thank God in Heaven for my mother!

As soon as Lois’ mother heard about Richard’s fate, she had travelled to Metropolis to pick up her daughter and grandson. Lois and Jason had stayed at the elder Ms Lane’s small apartment, just outside Metropolis, and they hadn’t returned to the big city, until now.

It was a beautiful, sunny day. Lois hated it. How dared the weather be this nice when her Richard was gone! She wanted it to storm and thunder. She wanted heavy rain and lightning bolts and hail to match her thoughts. The very sound of a bird’s song made her mad. She wanted to go away. Away from this place with sunshine, fresh green grass and lots of colourful flowers. Away from the people who said nice things to her. Away to a place where things were so bad she was temporarily relieved from the image in her mind.

She saw the faces of the people that cared for her. She saw the looks of concern. Perry … Jimmy ... Mother ... Clark. She felt little Jason tug on her hand. He looked up at his mother with a confused look. The sweet boy had no idea what was going on. Mother had tried to explain to him that his Daddy wasn’t ever coming back, but he didn’t seem capable of grasping the idea.

The 100th person came by to console Lois and pay her respects. Lois shook her hand dutifully, nodded at the right moments and immediately forgot all the empty words the old woman had said.

Slowly, the crowd dissolved, leaving only a handful of people standing where the freshly dug earth with it’s green grass had swallowed the coffin that held the cold body of her fiancé. Perry … Jimmy … Mother … Clark. Then they too left, allowing Lois a last moment alone with Richard. Clark called for Jason who left his mothers side, grateful that he was no longer expected to stand still.

Lois Lane was standing on the cemetery, no longer hand-in-hand with Jason, no longer surrounded by friends, family and colleagues, feeling utterly alone. She sank to her knees and touched the wet earth with her fingertips. The only thing parting her and Richard.

She had attended funerals before. Close friends, distant relatives. She had seen movies about funerals, read the books, heard the poems. This was the part where the fiancé was supposed to cry. But Lois Lane couldn’t cry. Her eyes were completely void of tears. Her mind blank. No memorable parting words came to mind. No beautiful thoughts.

A pair of strong arms lifted Lois to her feet and supported her on her path to the car. She did not know who it was, nor did she care. Her mind was blank. She stared with unseeing eyes at the landscape that shot past her window. She only looked up when Jason called out for her. She stroked her son’s hair and returned his cautious smile. My little boy.