Chapter 8 “Breakdown”

Clark Kent woke up and for the briefest moment wondered why he was sleeping on the couch. The answer came to him when the memories of the previous day hit.

He sat up and a blanket slid on the floor. He was sleeping on the couch because Lois and Jason were sleeping in his bedroom. He got up, folded the blanket and stretched, rubbing his eyes. It was still early. Not 6 o’clock yet. He usually spent the first hour of his day in mid-air, watching the sun rise above the clouds. It was his daily wake-up ritual, but for today, coffee would do. He quickly jumped in yesterdays suit, not wanting to disturb his guests.

Now, about that cup of coffee…

Clark made his way into the kitchen, cleaning away the dishes as he went. He hadn’t expected to have Lois and Jason over for the night, and last evening everybody had been too preoccupied to notice the condition of the apartment. He cleared away the mess in the kitchen, and was just pouring himself a cup when his sensitive ears picked up the sound of a beating heart – nearby.

Clark turned around and discovered Jason standing in the doorway, pyjama-clad, holding a dirty-looking rabbit-doll by the ears.

“Ah, good-morning.”

Jason didn’t replay, but kept staring at Clark with big eyes.

“Er, are you hungry?”

Jason shook his head, not taking his eyes off Clark, who started to feel slightly uncomfortable.

“I can make some breakfast if y–“

“Where’s my Mommy?”

“Your mom is still sleeping, Jason. Would you like a glass of milk?”

Jason nodded.

“Where’s Daddy?”

Clark stopped in his tracks. How was he going to explain this?

“Your Daddy is … gone.” Clark grimaced as he realised he had referred to Richard as ‘Daddy’.”

“When is he coming back?”

Clark put a glass of milk on the table, and Jason followed him obediently.

“He’s – never coming back Jason.”

Jason looked confused and Clark wondered how to explain to a five-year old that his daddy’s spirit had left Earth.

“But he told me we would go to the zoo.”

“Yes, well, I’m afraid your Daddy can’t go to the zoo anymore.”

Jason’s face fell and Clark sighed.

“Can I still go with Mommy?”

“Yes, you can still go to the zoo with your Mommy.” Clark replied, wondering if Lois would be up for it.

Jason looked relieved and began to gulp down his milk. Clark looked at his son in wonder. He had no idea what was going on, completely careless. If only people could stay like that their whole lives...

“Why am I not at home?” Jason jumped on Clark with a new question.

“Well, your Mommy was very tired yesterday, and very sad, s –“

“Why was Mommy sad?”

“Because your Daddy is gone.”

“Where did he go?”

Clark sighed again, and then stood up, beckoning Jason to follow him.

“Look Jason,” Clark opened up the window and pointed to the – still dark – sky. “Do you see the stars?”

Jason strained to look and Clark lifted him up so he could have a better view.

“U-huh”

“Your Daddy is with the stars, Jason, and he can’t come back. But he will always watch you from up there.”

“My Daddy is there? High in the sky?”

“Yes.”

“Can’t Superman get him?”

“No. He’s too far even for Superman.” Clark sighed and looked up to the starry sky in silence. It took a while before his ears picked up a new heartbeat approaching. As he turned around, he spotted Lois, standing in the middle of the living room, looking lost.

Jason wriggled in Clark’s grip, before Clark put him down.

“Mommy,” Jason ran towards his mother. “Mr. Clark says Daddy is in the sky with the stars, but you can come with me to the zoo.”

Lois didn’t reply, but threw her arms around her son and hugged him long and tight, until Jason started to squirm.

“Why don’t you go and play with your puzzle, Jason?” Clark suggested quietly. Jason left the room as Clark looked at Lois.

“Why am I here, Clark?”

“Your mother had an appointment abroad that she couldn’t cancel, but she didn’t want to leave the two of you alone. I offered to look after you.”

Clark expected Lois to explode and yell at him that she didn’t need a babysitter. Uncharacteristically, however, Lois sunk down in a chair and put her head in her hands.

“Oh, Clark… I think I’m falling apart…”

Seeing the strongest woman he knew looking so lost and forlorn, Clark sat down next to her, his heart aching. Not knowing what to do, but determined to ease her suffering.

“You’re going to be alright, Lois. Things are just rough right now, but it’ll get better. You’ll see.”

Clark winced upon hearing the emptiness of his own words and wished he had come up with something better. Lois didn’t seem to mind, though.

“What am I going to do Clark? I can’t do everything by myself. It’s too much, it’s –“

Words seemed to fail Lois as she flapped her hands helplessly, her eyes watering rapidly.

“You don’t have to do it all by yourself, Lois.” Clark said firmly, catching her hands in his own and looking her in the eye. “Because I’m right here.”

At this, Lois finally broke, and she threw herself in Clark’s arms, sobbing on his wrinkled suit. Clark patted her back and muttered soothing words as Lois cried for the first time since that fateful day.